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Troll
Despite great pregudice, Trolls are a moderately civilised race. They are, essentially, living, mobile rocks. Trolls have grown to overcome those vicious stereotypes of yore and have lived very prosperous lives in heavily populated cities with (relatively) little killing, and have held jobs as diverse as police officer and concert promoter. They have also held jobs as "bridgekeepers," taxing those that cross their bridges. It is relatively harmless, although farmers in the company of billy goats have to pay a hefty tax. Their scientific or species name (in Latin) is Stultus Saxum (i.e. "Dumb Rock"). Physiology It was once believed that trolls were made of flesh and blood, turning to stone at dawn, but trolls are reay stone all the time, but become dormant and sluggish during daylight. Trolls are made of "metamorphorical rock" , which means that trolls take on some of the appearance and characteristics of certain stones and minerals, after which they are usually named. The most extreme example of this is the pitiful troll Brick , Club Penguin City born and bred, who took on the appearance of the bricks of his city home. Some trolls are made of [sedimentary rock and trolls who have taken the forms of more solid minerals are sometimes prejudiced against their sedimentary kin. On very rare occasions, a troll made of diamond is born. These trolls are vastly more intelligent than most trolls, as their reflective bodies allow them to ward off heat and regulate their internal temperature. A diamond troll is the indisputable king of the trolls, whether it wants to be or not. The common troll is nocturnal. Their natural tendency to spend daylight hours dormant led to the stories of them turning to stone when hit by the sun. Though apparently unintelligent, this is due to heat negatively affecting the conductivity of their silicon brains, which operate in a similar fashion to computer circuits (in essence a trollish form of hyperthermia). When sufficiently deep-frozen, they can perform exceptional mathematical feats. Oddly, the silicon-based trolls are capable of freezing to death if exposed to sufficiently cold temperatures, although these temperaures are very low. Rock and stone is also the natural diet of trolls, and they have diamond teeth to enable this. Quartz is held to be unhealthy, as it "clogs the arteries", and ammonites are also avoided as a sign of the rock having gone stale. They may gain some nutrition from the mineral content of carbon-based animals but not much, and occasionally cite this as the reason trolls did not (or at least do not) eat penguins. Trolls often drink molten minerals for recreation. Due to the heat affecting their brains, this has the much same effect on them as Ditto B does on penguins. Electrolyte solutions have a similar effect, presumably more directly. One such drink is the Electrick Floorbanger. Troll "soda" is ammonium sulfide dissolved in hot sauce Trolls are theoretically immortal, but as they get older they get bigger and slower and tend to be more inclined to sit and think. They call this "getting philosophy". Eventually they just stop moving altogether, gradually "decomposing" or eroding into an oddly-shaped heap of minerals with a tiny living spark in the center. Many mountains are actually very old trolls. Jungle Trolls don't seem to "get philosophical" but when they get too old they just die of natrual causes, just like penguins. Troll culture Troll society is based on rocks and hitting people. Troll courtships generally consist in the male troll hitting the female troll on the head with a suitably attractive rock followed after that by a candle lit dinner for two with a penguin as main course (although it is no longer considered polite to eat penguins). Some female trolls, through contact with other races, have taken a more feminist approach to courting and now hit the males that they have chosen. Troll society consists of numerous tribes, with frequent fights between them (although to trolls, this would be a spirited argument). They can only be united by a Diamond King. Trolls tend to be named after rocks, minerals and geological features, such as Detritus, Flint, and Mica, to name a few. Female trolls tend to be named for precious stones, such as "Jade" or "Ruby." One of the more sophisticated aspects of Trollish culture is their traditional view of time. As the past, where we have been, can be 'seen', whereas the future, where we are going, lies in front of us, they logically conclude we are going through time facing backwards. Also, since they are a nocturnal race, the trollish equivalent of the "Dawn of Time" is the "Sunset of Time." Some troll tribes play a game called aargrooha, which is rather a lot like soccer. The game involves kicking a scua around on a field with obsidian boots until one side scores a goal or the scua bursts, although civilized trolls claim to never play this game anymore (they can't make the boots). Other known games include a boardgame somewhat similar to chess, in which players set pieces on a board and wait for them to move of their own accord, and a game consisting of throwing rocks in the air and betting on whether or not they will come down. Troll games as a whole are stated to be closely bound up with troll culture and sometimes rather difficult to understand. Jungle Troll Culture, however, is usually considered radically diffrent from the culture of other trolls. Thanks to the fact they are allied with both South Island and Skydale, they have accsess to advanced technology, even using it to create an artificial form of "magic". Their entire society is based around this "magic", usually being used to enchance rock-based weapons, to grow plants quickly and even use it to create creatures known as Rock-Raptors, a strange looking creature used as mounts for the Jungle Troll Army. Only three Jungle Troll tribes exsist; The noble Rockthrower Trolls, The peaceful Mossdweller trolls, and the hostile haterock trolls. There used to be others, but they soon joined the other tribes. Despite all of this, Jungle Trolls still have some typical troll customs, such as the male trolls throwing stones at the female trolls. Language Trolls normally express themselves in a very physical way, and trollish is "basically body language, and they like to shout". However, they do have a spoken language, although the extent to which it is used commonly among the different tribes is unknown. Trolls generally appear to speak the same language as local penguins as well. Known trollish words include: *''Aagragaah''- "Forebodings", literally "der time when you see dem little pebbles an' you jus' know there's gonna be a great big landslide on toppa you and it already too late to run" Presumed to stem from the sound you'll make when you see the rocks rushing towards you. *''Aaoograha moa''- "He who must be avoided". A name for Bugzy. *''Aargrooha''- The name of a sport, see Troll Culture above. *''Gahanka''-the troll war beat, made by pounding clubs against the ground in unison, and gradually speeding up. *''Ggroohauga''- "Music made from rocks". Percussion music achieved by means of rocks of different sizes, shapes and mineral compositions being banged together or hit with hammers. Not to be confused with Rock Music. *''Goohuloog''- Translation unknown, used in a' "troll oath": "I will do what I told - otherwise I get my goohuloog head kicked in". From the context it is probably a profanity of sorts. *''Horug''- A term for Walri *''Luglarr''- "Big Hammer". An extremely potent type of troll soda. *''Oograh''- All types of vegetation, which is superfluous given the usual troll diet. *''Taka Taka'' - the trollish war club. *''Wukwuk'' - a mushroom. Literacy and Numeracy Many non-trolls stereotypically assume that trolls are either illiterate/innumerate or barely not. This, like many stereotypes, is untrue. Trolls may have the oldest written language in the world. Samples of troll pictograms engraved on basalt slabs have been found in rock layers dating back 500,000 years. A sample translation of these ancient pictograms, reveals a very isolating grammatic structure. :Him who mountain crush him no :Him who sun him stop him no :Him who hammer him break him no :Him who fire him fear him no :Him who raise him head above him heart :Him diamond Trolls have a numeral system of their own, based on powers of 4. The base numerals are one (1), two (2), three (3), many (4) and lots (16), which can be combined to form higher numbers. When combined, each numeral's value is added to those of the others. Higher-valued numerals take priority over lower-valued ones, so that 4 is written "many" and not "two-two" or "three-one" and 20 is written "lots many" rather than "many many many many many". If there are no ones, twos or threes, the number is written with spaces between the numerals; if any exist a hyphen replaces the space between every numeral. With only the revealed numerals the system rapidly becomes unwieldy in higher numbers (for example, one hundred twenty-six in English becomes lots-lots-lots-lots-lots-lots-lots-many-many-many-two in trollish numerals, assuming that they do not have numerals higher than lots), but this may not bother the trolls. Some trolls, particularly musicians, prefer to count "one, two, many, lots", although how they continue from there is unknown, even to some of them. For example, Jade says she "ran outa numbers" at that point. Interestingly, trolls are able to count in a purely binary system after some teaching by Dorkegese ("A sixteen, an eight, a four and a one"), possibly due to their silicon brains, Detritus is able to be somewhat smarter than the average troll even under normal circumstances since he wears a cooling hat / helmet created for him by Gary. Jungle Troll literacy is more similar to Kanta Penguin literacy. Trolls and other cultures Troll society is unsophisticated, but some trolls in urban areas manage to direct their tendency towards violence in more civilised directions. Many trolls have joined the PSA. Others have found a niche in the opposing profession; there is a troll organised crime family called the Breccia, led by the "Ton" Chrysoprase. Trolls and miners have an ongoing feud, ostensibly stemming from one being a race of living rocks, and the other being, well, miners. But really, this feud goes on because it is a tradition strongly ground into the cultures of both. Representatives of both Trols and miners have, however, been known to get along very well, but this is rare. It is now known that Koom Valley, the famous troll/miner battle, was actually an attempt to sign a peace treaty between miners and trolls and in this discovery the tensions grow weaker. Other kinds of troll Yeti Yeti are a kind of troll, dwelling in the high mountains. They are noted for having thick, white, insulating rock-based fur, and large feet. At least some tribes are unaware that attempting to eat penguins is considered inappropriate these days. Yetis have a hunting technique of lying still in the snow until their prey was near them, then pouncing. The most surprising thing about yeti is their ability to manipulate time. A Yeti can "save" its life up to a certain point and, at the point of death, can return to that point, with the knowledge of what was going to kill it. According to the Time Ninjas, the entire species has been rendered extinct three times. Due to their time-manipulating abilities, some Yeti tribes are affiliated with the Bureau of Fiction. Gargoyles One species considered a relative of trolls are gargoyles. Gargoyles are either urban trolls who formed a symbiosis with guttering, or pieces of stonemasonry initially brought to life by accident. They are mainly filter-feeders, but also consider pigeons to be a particular delicacy. Many are employed by the PSA, due to their ability to stay in one place watching for long periods of time. They have no concept of money, and are paid in pigeons. A gargoyle's personal identity is closely tied into its normal location; one example answered to the name of "Cornice-Overlooking-Broadway". Most gargoyles are unable to close their mouths, and consequently have some trouble pronouncing many phonemes (consonants in particular). Apart from this, they are quite capable of understanding and speaking English. One particularly intelligent gargoyle serves as Redlink Abbey's security guard. Gnolls Another relative to the troll is the Gnoll, which resemble a humanoid with a compost heap strapped to their back, and seems too organic to really be a kind of troll. It has been suggested that they have the same relationship to soil as trolls have to rock, though nobody seems to want to do an in-depth study. They are scavengers of anything that doesn't struggle, although there are rumours. Nobody has really closely enquired into what it is they scavenge. Many of the gnolls for recycling companies, collecting rubbish for recycling, although they have to be watched to ensure they don't eat it. It isn't known why Gnolls hoard rubbish. One possible reason is that collectors of carefully sorted kinds of cabbage are held in high renown among the gnoll community. Another is simply that they are saving it for later. Sea troll Sea Trolls are made of water, have a tendency to suffer from fish and chronic tides, and are notoriously long-lived, even by trollish standards. A sea troll named Tethis was encountered by explorers, iving on an island. Tethis' body was made up of animated water, as opposed to the more normal rock, and his height and body shape changed with the tides. He was unable to escape due to the fact that it was in a freshwater lake. Tethis himself however claims to have come from another world altogether, named Bathys, and to have passed through space in a frozen state after falling off the edge. Tethis and other 'sea trolls' are very rarely seen. Ice Giants Also known as the Jotuns, the Ice Giants are employed by the Bureau of Fiction due to their strong control over the Fourth Wall. They can patch up Fourth Wall rips, holes, retcons, paradoxes, spills, etc. fairly quickly. They speak with a pronounced Nordic accent. When not on duty, they engage in small conflicts with Ternville on the smallest pretext, currently their refusal to return the lawnmower and not turning their loud music down. While the Ice Giants are a form of Troll, they may appear whenever one of their rather inaccurate effigies (snowmen) are made. WikiTrolls These are special trolls that are completely digital and live outside the Clubb Phengin Weekee. About once or twice a month, they will raid the Weekee for food, vandalizing much of the place in the process. They eventually are given or find food, and only return because that is the only place they know of that has food. Some users, including Saint Joeyaa, have suggested that the Weekee stop feeding the trolls, so as to make them leave forever. Jungle Trolls These trolls are the only kind of troll that can be found on South Island. They were originally some of the ruins of the stone house after the Kanta Island Catasthrophe. When an uknown Southern Kanta Penguin attempted to use a rock-to-water converter prototype in the middle of some of the ruins, and the machine backfired and gave off an energy pulse. While the penguin was unharmed, the ruins started to recalibrate their structure and formed humanoid shapes with great sentinence. As of modern days, the jungle troll govermount has allied with South Island and Skydale. They have an insane dislike for melons. Others According to Trolls, there exist, in addition to humanoid trolls, troll dogs, troll horses and troll ducks (although the ducks tend to sink a lot). However, none of these have been documented thus far. Notable trolls Chrysoprase Chrysoprase is the local godfather (or "Ton") of the Breccia troll organised crime family and owns the troll hotel known as the Gritz and the Cavern nightclub. He is more obviously at home in South Pole City than most trolls; his features are deliberately polished smooth and he wears a suit rather than the usual loincloth and lichen. His understanding of civilized behaviour is that violence is barbaric, but paying other people to do it is business. He also wears diamond jewellery, apparently made from the teeth of trolls who moved against him . He considers himself a fine example of a troll achieving great success in a foreign culture and is the head of the Silicon Anti-Defamation League, which seeks to raise the issue of discrimination against trolls by penguins. He is aso refered to as "Chrystoprase" and "Krysoprase", due to the fact that trolls are terrible spellers. Mr. Shine Mr. Shine is the current Diamond King of trolls. His crystalline structure allows him to maintain a cool internal body temperature, making him far more intelligent than the average troll. When travelling, he must conceal himself in a cloak, since his appearance is blinding to most eyes. He was instrumental in preventing a minor-troll conflict. Trivia * It was recently found that Trolls were the original makers of the CyberGemz, the twelve famous precious stones known all around Antarctica. Mr. Shine, when asked, said that his people were perfectly fine with the penguins' usage of the CyberGemz in their culture, and that the CyberGemz were actually meant to be an entry into a troll art competition. See Also *The Headless Motorcycle-troll External Links Trolls on wikipedia Trolls in Discworld Category:Creatures